Would I still say Yes?

by Pamela Snape, April 1999

Absolutely. Although I am not sure that I ever made such a conscious decision. It was more a series of small steps which eventually led to the day when two teams of skilled medical staff removed my left kidney and transplanted it into my brother.

The process started almost a year before that date when it became clear that Norris’s ability to lead anything like a normal life was seriously compromised. His children were growing up and he was finding it difficult to contribute to their formative years in the way he would wish to, and in the way I knew he could do. With a transplant rejection behind him and on dialysis three times a week, I realised that if a live transplant was going to make a difference, it had to be soon.

I spoke to my family, but not to Norris, and arranged to have the first of a series of tests to determine the level of compatibility. In a sense that was when I said ‘yes’. All the other decisions were simply confirmations. The nature and importance of the tests are now somewhat vague. They involved blood samples for tissue typing and other checks on compatibility. Surprisingly, the exchange from me to my brother was possible, but not the other way round!

No one willingly undertakes a major operation without some misgivings. Especially one which is still, in the UK, relatively rare. There was positive information from Europe and the USA but really only giving the numbers involved rather than what happens in the op. I remember feeling frustrated at how little information was available about the procedure even though I was assured of the routine nature of the exercise.

Once the issue of compatibility had been resolved the Team then focussed on my own kidneys. What was their ‘plumbing’ like? Which one would be the easiest to remove? Were they both in good condition? More Yesses

Further consultations with both clinical and psychological specialists. How would I have felt had the operation proceeded – but failed? Not very happy, but the question had to be asked and answered. Another Yes?

In many ways the discussion with friends and employers were the most difficult. My family and I had lived with the decision for some months. At each stage we had to face the reactions of people for whom it was a complete surprise. Other medical personnel were invaluable at this stage and helped to put my decision into perspective. An informed, impartial view can be vital when the temptation is to look too closely at the detail.

The final rush to the actual operation is something for which you cannot really prepare. The mixed emotions of wanting to get it over with and, at times, wishing for other solutions are not uncommon. The calm professionalism of the medical staff is a valuable stabiliser.

I am not sure that I can recall the few days immediately after the operation. It is a major procedure and there are a few missing days in my life. My family and the nursing staff kept me comfortable and in no time at all my brother was trundling his drips into my Ward! Yes, we were on different Wards – he was on the Renal Ward, I was General Surgical. We were able to compare our progress on a daily basis. I have to say that he rapidly pulled ahead – exactly as the experts had predicted.

Now, six months on, I am still aware that I underwent surgery and that it may take a few more months to return to my original fitness level. But I only have to see my brother fit and well and able to contribute to his family life to know that I made the right decision. The worry I had over my brother’s ill health and discomfort has been replaced with a deep sense of satisfaction that I have been able to help him to overcome that sort of circumstance. Pleasures such as us both being well and able to watch a Coventry City football match together, already outweighs those dark days immediately after the operation! In football speak - we have a very positive goal difference.

And yes, I would still say ‘Yes’.

To find out more about Living Transplants and Donors, click here .

NKF Controlled Document No. 198, Would I still say Yes?, written 16 October 2005. Last reviewed 28 May 2009.

The National Kidney Federation cannot accept responsibility for information provided. The above is for guidance only. Patients are advised to seek further information from their own doctor.

The National Kidney Federation is registered in England and Wales as a Company limited by guarantee (Company No 5272349)
and awarded charitable status (Charity Number 1106735).

Give as You Earn contributions No. CAF GY511.

Page created: 15 July 2001

Last updated: 29 April 2009

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